Why should I care: Part 2
What other people think about you has nothing to do with you but everything to do with them—at least in theory. One of the reasons I believe so many people warn you about the dangers of putting stock in the potential opinions of your peers, associates, and strangers is how severely it can limit you. I find myself investing in what others think all the time. I care what my family thinks, I care what my friends think, I care what my employees, and associates think—anyone. How can you not wonder what others may think about your clothes or appearance? I genuinely want people to believe I’m a nice guy and when I lack that certainty, it bothers me. I don’t know if loyalty would fall into that as well, but I want my character to be indisputable in the eyes and thoughts of my peers. But in this process, I get caught up in a cycle of fear—I may revisit and analyze previous decisions, worried about how others will judge me. In this, I think I, and others too, don’t take the chances that they should be taking because they’re so caught up in that cycle of uncertainty with how others will respond to their choices. I’m more affected by what people think once I’ve made my decisions.
There are plenty of times when I don’t care, and then there are times when I do. I begin overthinking things, begin to initiate that process and I realize that it’s my perception of what others think of me that is weighing so heavily. It’s not even known quantities of deprecation from my peers or strangers that cause this self-doubt; it’s worrying what others MAY think. I have to remind myself that I can’t know what they are thinking, and I can’t let myself get engaged with this perpetual circle of anxiety.
I’m sure at some point any of my readers have been driving down the road when someone cuts you off. Maybe he honks and throws a few indecent gestures in for good measure. You start wondering why this stellar individual wasn’t thinking about you and what you may think about him. Well, that’s probably because he doesn’t care about you, much less what you may think of him. Then, if you think about it some more, it seems like a great deal of people don’t care too much for what you think based on how they’re acting. Maybe some lady half your age rushes past you on the road flipping you off all the while. Thirty-odd years ago, no one would have done this. You have to rationalize that there may be a spectrum, people who care in the extreme and people who don’t care at all. Perhaps there’s a balance that all of us fit on, some scale by which we can assess our levels of concern. I can think of days where I felt guilt about something I said or when I hurt someone’s feelings and it consumed me. Come to find out, that wasn’t even the case.
So much about life is finding a niche, a happy medium where a balance can be enjoyed for healthy stability. This kind of thinking can be applied to care—where other’s care can be used to augment your own life to shape yourself to achieve the best possible version of yourself, but not by letting it consume your waking thoughts with worries. How to maintain that healthy level comes from perspective. By applying that perspective to your concerns or worries, you rationalize your insecurities to a point where they can be managed and you can function. No amount of me telling you what to do can teach you how, this like everything else in life requires hard work. I wish I could figure it out completely, because I care way too much about what other people may or may not be thinking. Ninety-nine percent of the time they’re not thinking about anything important because I’m not that important, I just fall prey to that cycle of uncertainty and presumed importance. Share your thoughts with me below; I look forward to hearing from you.
